Monday, 23 April 2018

Doctor SJ and Mr Smith

Doctor SJ is a quiet and somewhat reclusive fellow. Shunning society, he lives in his castle on the hill, and spends his days writing ridiculous, smutty novels, which no one buys.

But as darkness falls each night, Doctor SJ grows lonely and bored, and stares out of the window at a world from which he is dislocated. This is when he succumbs to temptation and quaffs the magic potion which will transform him.

The potion, known colloquially as ‘Seven pints of lager’, changes the shy Doctor SJ into the overtly gregarious loudmouth, Mr Smith. He immediately takes to the internet, writing complete shite on various social media platforms, making unwanted sexual advances to females, and generally acting like an arse.

By the time morning comes around, the potion's effects have worn off, and upon waking, the fearful Doctor SJ checks his phone to see what havoc his alter ego has unleashed during the night. “Oh no,” he whispers, as he sees the half dozen photographs of his genitals he has emailed to that nice lady who works in Tescos. He has unwittingly given his bank details to a Nigerian general, in the mistaken belief he was talking to a lonely glamour model, and gotten himself banned from a rugby forum by calling the head moderator a cunt.

Sheepishly, the introverted Doctor begins his day afresh, guilt and remorse hammering his befuddled brain, all the time knowing that come sunset, the whole sorry cycle will be put into motion once again.

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