Our story begins at the end of the first world war.
After it
was decided the British team had successfully machine gunned more of its
opponents than the German team, the German team conceded defeat and Britain
were declared the winners. A ‘peace’ treaty was signed in Versailles, where it
was agreed that Germany would pay lots of money in reparation for their naughty
deeds. As Germany was skint and couldn’t afford to pay, a young chap by the
name of Alan Dulles got them a vey good deal on a loan from an American bank,
allowing them to pay the money they owed back to the Americans to say sorry for
all the bad stuff what they done.
Time went on. Germany was stripped of its land and became
very poor. As citizens went hungry, an enterprising young chap named Adolf
Hitler saw his chance to rise to power. Blaming all of Germany’s problems on
the COMMIES and the FUCKING JEWS, he convinced Germans to back his scheme to
‘Make Germany Great Again.’ Germans embraced his policies and elected him
Chancellor. Not long after, in a plot which has since been labelled an ‘inside
job, which was covered up,’ the German parliament building the Reichstag was burned to the ground, and it was all blamed on
the FUCKING COMMIES. Hitler grabbed the moment of public fear and desperation
to change German law, stripping away rights from civilians and cementing
himself in power.
Not everyone considered Adolf to be a rotten egg - his
hatred of COMMIES was fully endorsed by many American millionaires. In fact, it
was later discovered the Third Reich Nazi machine was being funded by an
American bank, under the stewardship of its CEO, George Herbert Walker.
World War two broke out across Europe. America refused to
get involved, but after the bombing of the Hawaiian naval base at Pearl Harbour
by the Japanese, an event which was subsequently labelled an ‘inside job which
was covered up’, America eventually got involved - not on the side of Hitler,
whom many Americans admired so much, but rather on the side of the British, who
were considered to be the ‘good guys with guns’.
The war came and went, and with the Germans defeated,
everyone agreed that our new enemy was the COMMIES, who were multiplying in the
East just like the baddies out of Lord of the Rings. The Iron Curtain was
raised, and we glared over it at those BASTARD COMMIES who were trying to steal
our freedom.
A decade later, a small island called Cuba, which lay just
off the coast of Florida, decided it no longer wanted to be a playground for
American millionaires and the mafia, and after a revolution, Cuba turned
COMMIE. This was not good, as America didn’t want no GODDAMN COMMIE BASTARDS in
its own back yard, and the CIA started training and arming disgruntled Cuban
exiles, ready to reinvade their homeland.
As the world was brought to the brink of nuclear annihilation
during the Cuban Missile Crisis, the American president JFK decided to follow a
path of peace rather than war, and refused to back an all out invasion of Cuba.
The Bay of Pigs fiasco followed, resulting in the firing of CIA supremo Alan
Dulles.
Not long after, JFK got his head blown off in Dallas, in an
incident which would later be considered ‘an inside job that was covered up.’
The police and the FBI and the CIA blamed the killing on Lee Harvey Oswald, who
was a COMMIE. A subsequent investigation, headed up by Alan Dulles, agreed with
their findings.
JFK wasn’t into war, and he was very interested in reducing
American involvement in Vietnam. But with him dead and out the way, the
Americans were soon given the red light to invade Vietnam. After the Gulf of
Tonkin incident, which would later be considered an ‘inside job which was
covered up’, lots of Americans went to Vietnam to fight against COMMIES.
Pretty soon, all the Commies were dead, and Russia adopted a
system of fascism – which pleased the USA no end. But with no COMMIES left to
fight, the poor Americans had no war to spend their tax trillions on.
Then, in 2001, the great grandson of George Herbert Walker,
who had done so much to cleanse the world of COMMIES and JEWS, managed to
become President of the USA. As George W Bush read stories to children, attacks
on the World Trade Centre and Pentagon, which would later be described as an
‘inside job that was covered up,’ ignited a whole new world war, this time
against the MUSLIMS. George W Bush used the moment of public fear and
desperation to change American law, introducing the Patriot Act, ensuring any
dissenting citizen could be locked up without trial.
Osama Bin Laden – a MUSLIM - was blamed for the atrocity. It
was later revealed he was recruited and trained by the CIA, as at the time he
was fighting COMMIES in Afghanistan.
But no matter; with MUSLIMS as their new enemy, the US
invaded several countries, resulting in a couple of people making a shit load
of money out of oil.
Unfortunately, after the crash of 2008, the American
government were forced to give all the country’s money to a group of
billionaires, after they lost at gambling on the stock exchange. As times got
hard and poverty hit, a fascist movement took advantage of the peoples’ woes
and came to power on the back of its slogan ‘Make America Great Again.’
The End.
