If you’re of a certain age you’ll no doubt remember a range
of books entitled ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’. They were pretty shit.
The premise was you had a basic story, and were offered
choices as to what to do next. If you want to do so and so, turn to page
forty-eight, or if you’d rather do such and such, turn to page one hundred and
twenty. Inevitably you made the wrong choice and died, but provided you kept
your finger on the page you’d arrived from, you could always go back and try
again.
So, as it’s lockdown and I’m bored, I’ve had a go at
recreating this writing style. It probably won’t work, but there you go. Hey
ho. If you get stuck, just use the back button.
The Tale of the Bobby Dangler
It’s a lovely day. The sun is shining and the skies are
blue. You decide you’re going to put your shorts on and get a bit of colour on
the old pins. But when you dig them out from the bottom of the drawer you
realise you must have put a bit of weight on since last summer. The shorts are
somewhat snug and on the revealing side.
Nonetheless you head out toward town, intent in calling in
the bookies and stopping by the off license on the way back.
Half way up the high street disaster strikes. You slip on a
banana skin and do the splits. As your legs divide to their widest axis, your
knob falls out the leg of your shorts.
A woman standing outside Greggs witnesses everything, and acts
quickly to take a photograph of your dangling willy. With an evil grin she
announces her intent to blackmail you; if you don’t immediately go around and
fix her chicken coop, she’s going to put the picture up on Facebook.
Over to you. Do you:
